Thursday, June 24, 2010


I realize I have been talking about what I thought people wanted to hear. I forgot that this is about me. ALL ME! so from now on I will be honest and talk about what ever I'm thinking about at that time. After all if I don't be true to myself I'll never find Sarah.

Belated, Deep

Happy belated fathers day to all we put a bid on is now . I have been unable to write for long as some new developments have come around. The house that we put a bid on..well, its ours. closes the 22ND of July. I can't believe it. my very own house. The kitchen is bigger so i will be cooking more for sure. Now the worst thing ever, packing. It's like dragging your feet in the sand.
Another step toward adulthood and I can't help but feel its all too soon, yet can't contain my joy. I've been thinking too much lately. The Scorpio's curse is to go through a cycle of Death and Rebirth, as U might be able tor to find than I thought tell I'm going through the Death part right about now. Unsure as to who I am and what I want just for me. My sisters out there understand.
Been on edge, too much stress over everything. Maybe now is a good time to get over it and relax, and finally make a cherry pie. This Sarah person is harder to find than I thought. I feel consumed and alone.

My daughter will be having her first birthday soon. How time does fly and age right along with it. I used to think it would be beautiful to be 30, now, besides making myself a mad hatter cake, I'm all for not having even one more birthday.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

So the Octane show was great. Although I did see a woman holding a preemie on oxygen covered in a thin blanket while the mother so carefully lit and smoked a cigarette. What the hell is wrong with people? A Preemie on oxygen at a High Octane show sucking in car fumes while mommy smoked a cig? I tell you I could have ripped that woman's hair out and ran away with a new kid!

But despite my rage, the show was good. A little slow for my son and I but interesting to see, even did doughnuts in a monster truck.

So I made these Trail mix cookies, and they were yummy. Just a sugar cookie with my favorite kind of trail munchies slightly modified of course. They were gone befor you could say "bob's your uncle". Haven't been feeling like myself these days. Too much stress to mention and not enough baking going on. All day long I think about food, what's for dinner, breakfast, snack. What do I bake now? No wonder I am fat!

Thursday, June 10, 2010


I happen to notice that when ever we, my husband and I, we just met for the first time at night again and what do we do after all day apart? We run for our phones and txt or facebook. Look at me now, Blogging. Did technology ruin our lives...yes. But I would be lost without my phone.
Been having some strange thoughts lately, nothing worth mentioning yet though. The soup I made a while ago has been evolving into this great, amazing juice of life. No more pictures yet, don't want to bore you with same old stuff. Have been perfecting this for 2 weeks and I think its perfect.
Going to a distant land this weekend. Can you guess where? FALON. Top Fuel will be acceding and my husband will be requesting mine and my sons presence at the loudest show I know about. An adventure to say the least, but not feeling it. I hate loud noises and I am not into cars. We will see.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Huddled over bad for you chicken nuggets I'm reminded of the weekend camping trip. We camp a lot. I was reminiscing about all the hiking and ball throwing I accomplished. All the sweat and blood spent that I began to feel bad. Over ate and over sugared I slumpt down next to my daughter and began to play while Julie/Julia played on the big TV.

Boy do I miss the simple times as a kid where I actualy cared what I put in my mouth.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Revelation in Cream Cheese

As I looked through fridge for something to give the boys to snack on, popcorn was on the tops. A it popped a nagging little voice kept calling to me. Some baked veggie flavored crackers mysteriously made there way inside my bowl. Satisfied, the trek to the living room stopped cold, "cream cheese". How did that word pop into my brain, abuz with idea the crackers were alone and hot. That they wanted...NO, NEEDED to be covered in a thick coating of cold creamy wonderland. I can not say, but then I found myself spreading, with luxurious strokes, the delicious snow and savoring the smooth precise strokes I made with each passing. I pondered that the food would taste the same weather I smeared it on delicately or plopped a wod on one side and ate that sucker in one bite. And the experiment was on. The cracker lovingly smeared with the cheese was appealing and wonderful. Next in line, the cracker with a chunk of cheese went down just the same. No different.
It was then that I realized we spread on spreadables because its fun, therapeutic. It makes us feel as if each one is special, a euphoria. But as we are animals, The cream cheese went right to my head. I abandoned the knife and began to dip, cracker in hand..hand in tub and cracker, whole, in mouth. Speed catching up. One after the other, and I thought, what a Revelation of our species. Our desire to be prim and dainty, to have all we enjoy to be meaningful and lovely. But in the end....we wind up face first, knuckles down in the cream cheese tub.