Politicle

I realize I have been talking about what I thought people wanted to hear. I forgot that this is about me. ALL ME! so from now on I will be honest and talk about what ever I'm thinking about at that time. After all if I don't be true to myself I'll never find Sarah.

Belated, Deep

Happy belated fathers day to all we put a bid on is now . I have been unable to write for long as some new developments have come around. The house that we put a bid on..well, its ours. closes the 22ND of July. I can't believe it. my very own house. The kitchen is bigger so i will be cooking more for sure. Now the worst thing ever, packing. It's like dragging your feet in the sand.
Another step toward adulthood and I can't help but feel its all too soon, yet can't contain my joy. I've been thinking too much lately. The Scorpio's curse is to go through a cycle of Death and Rebirth, as U might be able tor to find than I thought tell I'm going through the Death part right about now. Unsure as to who I am and what I want just for me. My sisters out there understand.
Been on edge, too much stress over everything. Maybe now is a good time to get over it and relax, and finally make a cherry pie. This Sarah person is harder to find than I thought. I feel consumed and alone.

My daughter will be having her first birthday soon. How time does fly and age right along with it. I used to think it would be beautiful to be 30, now, besides making myself a mad hatter cake, I'm all for not having even one more birthday.

So the Octane show was great. Although I did see a woman holding a preemie on oxygen covered in a thin blanket while the mother so carefully lit and smoked a cigarette. What the hell is wrong with people? A Preemie on oxygen at a High Octane show sucking in car fumes while mommy smoked a cig? I tell you I could have ripped that woman's hair out and ran away with a new kid!

But despite my rage, the show was good. A little slow for my son and I but interesting to see, even did doughnuts in a monster truck.

So I made these Trail mix cookies, and they were yummy. Just a sugar cookie with my favorite kind of trail munchies slightly modified of course. They were gone befor you could say "bob's your uncle". Haven't been feeling like myself these days. Too much stress to mention and not enough baking going on. All day long I think about food, what's for dinner, breakfast, snack. What do I bake now? No wonder I am fat!

Technology

I happen to notice that when ever we, my husband and I, we just met for the first time at night again and what do we do after all day apart? We run for our phones and txt or facebook. Look at me now, Blogging. Did technology ruin our lives...yes. But I would be lost without my phone.
Been having some strange thoughts lately, nothing worth mentioning yet though. The soup I made a while ago has been evolving into this great, amazing juice of life. No more pictures yet, don't want to bore you with same old stuff. Have been perfecting this for 2 weeks and I think its perfect.
Going to a distant land this weekend. Can you guess where? FALON. Top Fuel will be acceding and my husband will be requesting mine and my sons presence at the loudest show I know about. An adventure to say the least, but not feeling it. I hate loud noises and I am not into cars. We will see.

Huddled over bad for you chicken nuggets I'm reminded of the weekend camping trip. We camp a lot. I was reminiscing about all the hiking and ball throwing I accomplished. All the sweat and blood spent that I began to feel bad. Over ate and over sugared I slumpt down next to my daughter and began to play while Julie/Julia played on the big TV.

Boy do I miss the simple times as a kid where I actualy cared what I put in my mouth.

Revelation in Cream Cheese

As I looked through fridge for something to give the boys to snack on, popcorn was on the tops. A it popped a nagging little voice kept calling to me. Some baked veggie flavored crackers mysteriously made there way inside my bowl. Satisfied, the trek to the living room stopped cold, "cream cheese". How did that word pop into my brain, abuz with idea the crackers were alone and hot. That they wanted...NO, NEEDED to be covered in a thick coating of cold creamy wonderland. I can not say, but then I found myself spreading, with luxurious strokes, the delicious snow and savoring the smooth precise strokes I made with each passing. I pondered that the food would taste the same weather I smeared it on delicately or plopped a wod on one side and ate that sucker in one bite. And the experiment was on. The cracker lovingly smeared with the cheese was appealing and wonderful. Next in line, the cracker with a chunk of cheese went down just the same. No different.
It was then that I realized we spread on spreadables because its fun, therapeutic. It makes us feel as if each one is special, a euphoria. But as we are animals, The cream cheese went right to my head. I abandoned the knife and began to dip, cracker in hand..hand in tub and cracker, whole, in mouth. Speed catching up. One after the other, and I thought, what a Revelation of our species. Our desire to be prim and dainty, to have all we enjoy to be meaningful and lovely. But in the end....we wind up face first, knuckles down in the cream cheese tub.

I am in love again. I have seen many buildings of gloriousness that my wallet is about to throw up. The game is afoot and I like a tiger ready to scratch the hell out of some one. Too good to be true shouts my husband, but I remain hopeful.

My son has become re-obsessed with Iron Man. So off to the theater he jumps dressed in full Iron Man gear. barely able to contain the screams of delight. My husband was aloud to accompany him because every hero needs a side kick! But the good times were not to last for an over tired, over stimulated half dressed Tony Stark walks glumly in my door. The movie was apparently all Tony no Bon. No action means no more watchy. So sad, but the outfit is still the best thing since his last new present.

I was craving Chinese food and had a verity of strange veggies on hand. I decided to try and make a noodle soup, with spaghetti noodles of all things. It was GRRRREAT! Even my 10 month old couldn't stop eating it. My son brought me some Peanut Butter Oatmeal Chocolate Chip cookies he made at his grandmas over the weekend, and did not think to showcase them here until after they were devoured. Sorry all.

This weekend of Memorials will be spent at a park, with friends, and full of baking. still waiting for the ooey gooey, me too. keep your chin up..its coming.

A new look, a new additude over cream.

So I forgot to mention my new look. Chopped off 10 inches of my gorgeous locks and then proceeded to dye my reaming hairs a deep dark Cherry. I feel like a clean sheet on a new mattress. A spring in my step and the tude to match. A whole new woman am I.Haven't felt this way in a long time.

Make anything new you ask? Well my so in woke hungry like a bear one morning, which isn't often, and I tried my hand at cinnamon rolls. I had only one thing on hand to make it quick and easy. Yes you guessed it...Jiffy. Your good old fashioned all purpose baking wonder. Now biscuits and waffles...oh yea. But ooey gooey cinnamon rolls..take my advice. Do it the long hard way. All "you-made" vs Jiffy's "home-made", dark chocolate vs milk...night and day. So please do your victims a favor and make it Jiffy free. Another tip. You think its enough cinnamon, it's no where near!

My son, though not the best judge about most things..he's only 3, loved them. Ate two huge rolls like they were sent from the gods and asked ever so sweetly"what else you gonna make mommy?". My cup runith over!

Personally, I have been a bit on edge lately. Maybe it was the lack of food, the overload of it, the weather that is rainy and cold, or perhaps its something else. Not even the guacamole I made, again, helped out. Just breath. The little girl is crawling and hard to keep up with, while the little man is crazy go go.

So wagons hoe once more and its off to make some sort of pie.

Ham and Friends

Over the weekend after much needed rest and liquids we are our old selves again, I was requested by the husband to make and glaze a ham. Now I am not a big ham fan...but when I make it look out. It was juicy and tummy satisfying. Here is the trick, take the ham out of the oven and peel back every layer to ensure that each bite is glazed to perfection. A pain in the neck but so worth it when your guests get a part of the crunchy glazey yumms. What goes best with ham you ask? Guacamole!
OK so Guacamole doesn't really go with ham but with next day ham sandwiches its a go.
In between bites of emerald velvet we have been out and about looking at houses. Nothing so far, but thank goodness we have time to be picky.
Diet, not so good. being sick didn't eat...better I cant seem to fork it in fast enough. So once again, its back on the wagon tomorrow. Maybe I should just cook organic vegetarian food. The little lady is talking up a storm and crawling all over the house. I think she needs a bell. Maybe then I could find her.
Up next its home made Carmel's. This will be a first for me. The Carmel's are just step one. Then it will be those gooey delights I talked about last time. If you have any requests please let me know I would love to make something new and different.

I decided the ladies look better as brunets.

The Ability to Project

After our little adventure my son came to me at about 9pm and informed me he had spit up. As I entered his room the smell was undeniable. His bed covered in last nights dinner, I removed all contaminants and engaged the cuddle master. Apparently that scene was only stage 1. With a tear and a coo I was suddenly doused in a encore of the previous. His ability to project from 2 feet away could get him into Circ De Sole.
From 9pm to 2am he was so worn out and empty that he finally settled down for bed. As I lay on the floor of his room, 9 month old clinging close I tried to catch what ever zzz's happened to creep in. Then without warning the sun came up and I found myself in the bathroom with a case of the copy cats. No food for us for 24 hours, it was coming out both ends with no sign of stopping. Two kids under 4, sickness, crying, and hours of sleep....we are finally feeling like our old selves 2 days later.

I recently saw someone I haven't seen in what feels like forever. My long lost brother came by to chat about all he has been up to. A student of the culinary arts, and a busy apprentice, we do not get together much so when we did the thoughts and feelings pent up for months came flooding out. It was a good thing to express myself, I have taken a cue from my husband and am speaking plainly. I will be honest to myself and say what I feel being honest to who I am without apology. No matter how unpopular it makes me.
I am also trying to ween my daughter at night. If it was anymore difficult I'd scream.

So I got up early as usual and made orange glazed carrot tea cakes. From what I hear they are good.Once i bake it I can't eat it. Maybe The weight will begin to fall off.

My husband was having a bad day at work so I made him Blondies with peanutbutter pieces too good to resist. And yes they were. WOW!

Now to the days happenings. My son and I ate some bad lunchmeat and have been sick all night. More him than me. So that means no sleep, cleaning the p[rojectile from my clothes, floor, him. It has not been a good night. But he seems to be feeling much better now and able to hold down food. Lets hope I fair as well.

Next on the to do list...ooey-gooey goodness.

Adventure 1

After embarking on a Jeep adventure, the children in toe, we found ourselves strapped down at lil known camping spot hidden in the trees overlooking a lake of sky blue. It had been a year since we stepped onto the rich mud soaked with last nights fire. A welcome home feeling rushed across us. Needing the escape from diet, social neglect, job...everything that seems to matter but really doesn't. The grande illusion.
It was great. I got to see my husband assult a tree...well several trees infact. Apparently he is a deadly knife fighter and I am just learning this. I'll say this, should we ever be attackted by anything slow moving and about his hieght, I'm safe as hell.

So tomorrow its back to reality, diet, job, and the routien. Sounds good to me.

A moment, if you will, of Deep

As I search for Sarah in the years to come a little monster has reared its head. Friends once known have returned, and with them a life flooded in. An old love by the name of Ana is scratching at the surface. How complicated and frightening to say such a thing out loud. But when i felt the pain it kept me company when I was alone. I close my eyes and breath the sweet smelling air with nothing behind in the dark. Yet still I am restless. Still I have a hunger for something. Is it her fault, is the call too comforting to ignore?

I wonder if that is part of Sarah or is it part of me? I want something of my own, for me alone.

Recovery

Have you missed me? The world of cyber kill found its way into my house and shut my computer down. No warning for us defenceless folk. But I am here now so dry those eyes and "hail to the king baby".

So, much has passed in the weeks of electronic with drawl. The first to come to mind is a trip taken to Long Beach Ca. A trip long over due. Accompanied by my husband we drove down. The conversations we have while on a road trip are the most amazing. But once you hit that traffic that the beautiful state of California is so well know for, the talking becomes a growl. It was like a piece of chocolate covered deep fried cheese cake. I recommend listening to all those people who say " Spend some you time".
The Trial and Error of this recently discovered Baking Goddess has been upon me like white on rice on a paper plate in a snow storm. it seems the more i do the more each creation looks like something unrecognisable. I try to muster the magic and creativity that once flowed from my bag to find I have turned my intentions to crap.

I made some horrific cucakes for my aunt to take to work, they will not be featured in this blog for fear of recognition in the hood. Tried to count calories and did that job till i passed out. I ate way too much. So what does the american woman do, we bake.

Busy Bee

Guacamole...Sinfully smooth and loaded with goodness in the form of fat. The treat was made recently and devoured with in the hour. JULIE of JULIE and JULIA said she would eat butter when the world ends. Well I will spend it eating GUACAMOLE!

Who ever thought of this wonderful concoction shall live in me as a god among men. The green gem I devoured was simple and pure, but alas no picture for it was MIA all too quickly.

A happy mothers day to all out there.The great thing about mothers day is spending it with your family over a recently accosted cake made by yours truly. I need mention a recent development. Yes I am still trying to stop my self from gorging on goods, but we are in the process of buying a house. I can barely believe it. Ofcorse my dream home is not available shall we say so I will take the next best thing. Wish me luck.
Haven't felt the call of the sugar gods lately. The children keep most of my time, and I can't seem to catch up on sleep. Has anyone found this blog? I am starting to feel the need for the vein satisfaction of having fans. And no D, you don't count! But are much appreciated.

Reaction

So I must first start off by printing a retraction. Or rather a request by my faithful reader to clarify a statement I made. "Even though I am short(5'3") and over weight (no need to repeat) I hold my weight extremely well. I am not a porker, and am pretty hot from certain angles.Thank you my dear devotee for pointing that out.

Easter crept up my backside this year. Made an emergency run to the store to prep for the visiting of the greatest chocoholic of all time. Cadburry Cream Egg. The best egg that has ever been shit out of mammal. Thank god its only 1 weekend a year. And speaking of witch I am so proud of myself for eating well. The other half made some amazing Mexican tacos with adobo chicken on corn tortillas fried to a golden crisp thick enough to still remain chewy. They were devine. As were the cup cakes I made for desert.

So I was thinking, what ever happened to Crystal Pepsi? It was a fad but it was tooth rot good.

Act 1

It's day one and I feel compelled to start things out right. I am 28 going on 30, addicted to sugar and over weight. I often start something full heartily and never finish. This blog will be about my journey through the next year or so and I hope to look back and have something to show for it. First things first..weight! I am 5'3'' and 210lbs. Enough said.


Today I start a work out regime and a diet. No more excuses like "you just had a baby" or "i don't have time with house work and 2 kids". There is an ever nagging little fairy that sits on my shoulder saying "do it tomorrow, you have time...relax". I really want to listen.
Not as rough as I thought.Eating well has never been, but working out...it's like weights on my feet in a pool full of sand. Doesn't help having a 3yr old and a 8 month old either. But there are those excuses again. But is that one really? Or is it truth?I like to think its more FACT than anything else. Trying to go from couch to 5k in 2 1/2 months. Not that this Blog will be all about weight. It will consist of randomness, adventures, and baked goods. Just trying to help you know me a little better so when I go off on a tangent, you'll understand. It's a little for me as well.

Who, What, Why.

So, I get this idea in my head that says "start a blog" and here it is. Now for those out there who don't know me yet here is the scoop. When I was a child no one, not even family members could pronounce my name right. I was called Sarah.
Sarah was funny, sweet, lovable and good at everything. She could do no wrong and knew exactly who she was growing up to be. Full of hope and magic the likes the world was not ready for.
But then, we grow up and everything changes. We learn about insecurities and heart break, and all too soon become aware that we are not that fire fighter or princess. Its time to figure out what we are doing with our lives and how we are going to live them. That's where I come in.
I am a stay at home mom of two amazing children, a wife to a good honest man, and disgruntled owner of a chocolate lab. In this blog I will be honest and real. Taking it day by day as I Search for Sarah.